Life according to John

So to steal a cliche' from Back to the Future, "If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything." - Thanks McFly!!

I had so many things to get ready for today...and I stayed up way to late...and couldn't fall asleep...and so 3 hrs of restless sleep...was all I got last night. I woke early (430am)!!!! and headed off to work to arrive hopefully no later than 530. Why you ask?? Well, a close friend of mine is having her birthday today!! Happy 25th MJ!! Anyway, in conversation amongst our group of friends, it came out that she had never had anyone make a "big deal" of her birthday. So...I did!!!

You know just a few balloons...a "happy birthday" banner...a picture of her teaching and framed...that sort of thing. And then a group of her girl friends took her out tonight to make her feel special. Well I think it worked...judging by her facial expressions...I think she had a great day!!


As I headed home this evening...which was 9pm...and NO I didn't get a nap or dinner tonight...I was feeling frustrated...with the amount of work I have to do tonight in order to be ready for my "big, responsible" day tomorrow. So much going on...and barely enough time to breath!! I came into the apt...plopped down on the couch and had a good little cry. I know, I know, "Guys aren't supposed to cry" - WHATEVER!!! I DID!!

Anyway, after I collected myself...I chatted with a friend who has always been there when I have been in need the most...and quickly I was reminded to "breathe" And then take it one step at a time...and prioritize what needed done. It's amazing how I'm so good at giving advice like that to my friends...but when it comes to me...sometimes, I can't see the forest for the trees. So I was able to breathe...and I finshed the bulk of my work for tonight...

So why am I blogging tonight when there is still work to be done?? Well that's easy! It can be summarized in one word: DEEB!! This is a man who has taught me so many things about life, love, understanding, listening to others, listening to myself...how to reflect and how to be introspective of myself in ways I did not know. He reminded me a month or two ago about the power of writing therapy. So here I am. I am having a therapy session with you, and you and you. I feel peaceful, while I write...no stress, no deadlines...no wordly distractions. It's just me and my thoughts, scary at times...but nonetheless...my thoughts.

So a thought that has been waying on my mind for a couple months now has been this: What's next? I have felt like something has been missing in my life. That I'm incomplete. Well, what's next? What is it that I'm missing...this morning...I realized what I'm missing..."the gift". You know that feeling of waking up in the morning and just knowing that someone is as excited to see you as you are to see them. Whether it be romantically, or friendly or collegially...that feeling is still there. I experienced that gift this morning for the first time in almost a year!!! That's what I've been missing. To do something for someone, without strings...without an agenda...just to do it because it should have been done so long ago. Because it was the right thing to do. Because it felt right! What a feeling.

SO......What's next? Well for me...it's grasping on to that feeling and holding on with both hands wrapped around it. It's being that person, who cares, who gives, who shares, who accepts. It's speaking the thoughts of the moment to the people who are around without fear of rejection or consequence. To give the gift of me...and to experience "the gift" in return. That's what is next.

What's next for me...only He knows, but each day He fills my heart with Love, Joy, and Peace...preparing me...for what He has in store for me.