Life according to John

Stress - Webster's defines it as: a physical, chemical, or emotional factor that causes bodily or mental tension and may be a factor in disease causation; one of bodily or mental tension resulting from factors that tend to alter an existent equilibrium.

It seems that lately, life has been full of stress. Growing up as a kid, summer was meant to be stress-free, care-free...just plain free! Well, unfortunately as we get older and life hands us more responsibilities...stress creeps in. Even when we don't want to.

As summer approached this year, I was hopeful for what could be...but mindful of what might be. So far, I'm happy to say that there have been some good times. I've been able to get to the pool with some friends, I've gone to the movies, I've seen the symphony orchestra outside, I've experienced fireworks with the kiddos, and have been to a parade. All in all not a bad summer so far.

And then came last week and this week. So many things have not gone quite right. First MJ is moving out of her townhouse, and so I have been trying to do what I can to help her out. Unfortunately she is dealing with the stress of moving, getting ready for summer weddings, her trip to Ireland, trip to St. Louis...and grad school. So as her stress level builds, I try to keep things cool, and help when I can...and try to eleviate some of that stress. Unfortunately my efforts don't seem to help all of the time. I wish that there was something else that I could do...I have a hard time watching her deal with the same issues over and over again...and just don't know how to help. I was happy though today she was able to ask for help with her car...and I was able to take care of it for her...and take away some stress for about 20 mins...I hope that this is a sign of what's to come....MJ has a hard time asking for help...sometimes.

As for my stress...well what was supposed to be done already, and could/should have been taken care of 10 months ago...is dragging on now for another week at least. I have done everything I can...but everytime I get close to the finish line...there's a hurdle, a road block...a goalie infront of the net. Tomorrow was supposed to be a day of closure...and finality...and as it turns out, once again...I have to wait. Changes are being made...stuff I don't fully understand...money needs to be spent that quite frankly isn't there...so sacrifices must be made. Sitting here tonight in bed...not sleeping...thoughts churning...all I can do is shake my head and say...when will it end? What surprise awaits me tomorrow? I know that I can only control certain things...and I'm ok with that...I just don't know why I am surprised anymore when these "curve balls" are thrown my way.

As I was driving home tonight...I needed to stop at the office and drop off some paperwork...and as I pulled in I saw a colleague...(actually a boss) who I have a descent relationship with...and so I found myself sharing my feelings and stress. I found the conversation comforting. He wasn't telling me anything that I didn't know, but he was confirming what I should have been holding on to instead of stressing out. He spoke of sowing and reaping...and that I would come out stronger and a much better person. He told me that when he first met me over 2 years ago....compared to who I am now...he's noticed significant change. For the better. A stronger, smarter, more experienced man.

I told him that I see life with such a clarity now...and that I know what I want....where I want to be, who I want around me...etc. However, I struggle with how to deal with people that are not good at heart. I find myself feeling upset towards people who purposely do things to hurt or take advantage of people. I feel that I am being taken advantage of in my current situation and that no matter what I do...I can't change that. OK, I get it...fine...but, how am I supposed to be ok with that, when I am honest with people, and fair with them...knowing full well that I will not get that in return?

I was so angry tonight when I got home....so I just sat down...and tried to watch the TV....tried to read...and then tried to chat with some friends online to get it out...but I felt guilty for putting my stress onto them. So I didn't really go into it.

I'm not shutting anyone out...I'm trying to figure some things out, so that I understand them...so that when I talk to people...I can clearly convey what it is that I'm going through. Sometimes, and more recently for sure, I need time to process what's going on.

Anyway, it's after midnight...I guess I better try to get some sleep...

~until next time

Congratulations!

Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself any direction you choose.

You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care.
About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”

With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down.
In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town.

It’s opener there in the wide open air.
Out there things can happen and frequently do
to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew.
Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.


Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.


You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.


Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.
I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true
that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.


You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.
You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked.

A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?


And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters?
Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind?

Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.


You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.


The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.



Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night



or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls,
or a pair of pants or a wig with curls,


or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.
No! That’s not for you!


Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying.
You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing.
With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!


Oh, the places you’ll go!

There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored.
There are games to be won.


And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.



Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.
I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too
Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.



All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance
you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.


There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul.
On you will go though your enemies prowl.
On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl.



Onward up many a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak.
On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far
and face up to your problems whatever they are.



You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act.


Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)



Kid, you’ll move mountains!


So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea,
you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!


Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!

Hey everyone!! Wow it's been a long time since I have updated this blog. So much has been going on. Where to begin...where to begin. Well it's July!! The long awaited month...so many expectations...and so many things are finally coming to an end. I cannot express how trying this past year has been. So many ups and downs...and bad days and good days...and horrible days. Days where I haven't eaten at all...and days where I couldn't stop eating. Mood swings from moment to moment...and days of complete peace. Ah-July...I never knew it would be this great!!

It all started in June actually....Rascal Flatts!!! Yep went to my first concert in probably 4 years. Loved it!! Took the van and filled it with some great friends...a variety of beverages..and headed to Nissan Pavilion for what turned out to be a Fabulous day! Darius - from Hootie and the Blowfish, opened the concert. Are you kidding me?? It was Hootie!! And yes, he did receive some "hootie" calls when he first came out. But then as they died down...he filled the venue with his concert heart-felt vocals. Not what I expected...but really good! Then came Rascal!!! What a spectical!! Not knowing what to expect - other than great songs to sing along with...I was completely satisfied. The show was amazing!

Then came July!! MJ needed to move out of her townhouse...and back in with mom and dad. So I unloaded my van...put the seats down...and between, her mom, dad, laura, her and I....I think we carried almost everything that IKEA and Target have ever sold!! So much stuff!! And we are not done yet! ~just kidding MJ! Anyway, about 4 car loads later...most of the big stuff is safely stored away in MJ's storage unit...and ready for the next step.

The property settlement agreement is finally signed!! Which means many things, 1. everything has been decided as it relates to the kiddos, holidays, summers, personal stuff, all materialistic things, finances, blah blah blah. Which means now the date can be set!!! whew!!! It feels so good to finally say that! With the PSA finally being signed and notarized...the clock is now ticking on refinancing, or selling, or trading the cars. Both cars are in both names...so according to the paperwork...that needs to be changed. So I started weighing my options. Due to the fact that I owed a little more than what the van was worth...refinancing was really not an option. So just out of curiousity, I headed to Carmax..to see what I could do.

To my surprise, they appraised the van for a respectable amount of money. So I couldn't help but explore my options. So I took a 2008 Ford Edge for a test drive, and immediately wanted to buy it! Knowing that I should probably process all of these thoughts...I decided to take the offer for the van...and think about it for a week. I prayed about it...for guidance...and I prayed for the ability to make a sound decision for not only myself...but for the girls. (more to come)

So then, July 4th came upon us. So MJ, Marissa and I took

the girls to the Fairfax parade the morning of the 4th. Parked the van...and walked to the parade. As we watched the parade, I quickly found out that Bailey does NOT like clowns.

But the girls both love flags!!

So we watched the parade, and cheered on the dancers, from Bolivia, the firemen and policemen who protect us and keep us safe and giggling at the silly men in tiny cars!

We collected tons and tons of candy, free stuff (mostly from banks) and got lots of sun!!

As the parade ended and we headed back to the van...the girls were a little fussy, definitely in need of lunch...and a nap. We all packed into the van...and were ready to go home. Well we were ready, the van wasn't. It would not shift out of park. No matter what I did...it wasn't going to move. Finally after a few not so nice words...and some thinking, I found a release mechanism that allowed the van to shift...and I was able to get the girls home. Well, after fighting with the kiddos for a nap...and myself needing a nap...the house was finally calm and quiet. I then began planning for the rest of the day. What to do....I really wanted to have a cookout, but couldn't have one here...so who could host? Well MJ, said that her parent's were willing to have us all over, so Sammy-J, Marrisa, MJ and me and the girls all headed over for a cook-out at the rushing's!!!! It was a great time!! Good food, the girls had a blast running around...and hanging out with MJ's parents and sister was just what I needed.

After the cookout we headed for the fireworks. So we all climbed into the van, and headed out. We found a spot from which we would have a good view of the fireworks. We broke out the bugs spray, and popsicles...and waited for it to get dark. Finally the fireworks started...and what a show. The girls were not afraid, and watched the entire show. Neither Bailey nor Emma could sit still, but they both seemed to enjoyed the show.

The next day, mom came down...and we talked about the van...and she said take it in to the dealership to have them look at it. So they did, and they found the problem...and so many more :( So I decided to pay for the one part that would get the van to work...then took it back to Carmax...and well, traded it in. Good-bye minivan, hello Ford Edge. I LOVE my new car. OK, ok, so it's a used car, but it's new to me!! And it's all MINE.

I prayed so hard for the right answer to be presented to me...and God once again, answered my prayers. Just when I thought that things were going south, and the van was going to burden me financially...He provided a solution that would take care of the situation. God is good!!

So now, I have a new car, the girls love it!! The countdown has begun for "D-day"and life can finally have some much needed closure.

As I wait for that day, I keep praying that all will be done according to His plan...and that not necessarily what I want...but what He wants.

~Until next time friends