Well my thoughts are running a little crazy tonight...I'm sitting here watching, "Catch Me if You Can." It's an ok movie, probably why my thoughts are going non-stop...not really paying attention to it...but sort of. I keep thinking about a conversation that got started today..and then got interrupted first by me...cause life got in the way, and then by the other person, because well, life got in the way. I can't help but think that this is a sort of test, within the test. I understand that one of my current issues is patience. I have a hard time waiting for things...I like to go and get what I want. Whether it be, a new TV, new car, new apt...or something bigger...something greater...someone. Well, for the past couple months, God has been teaching me patience...and well, in this instance, I've been a bit of a slow learner. Understanding that patience is something He sees that I need...has been difficult.
I have come to realize that God is good...and what he has in store for me...and for my children is GREAT!! At times, I do not understand His plan, and currently I can't see why He has me in this "holding pattern," but at the same time...I'm glad that He has shown me a glimpse of what I believe is my future. I was reading some verses this afternoon, and I came across one that said:
"but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;they shall mount up with wings like eagles;they shall run and not be weary;they shall walk and not faint."
—Isaiah 40:31
At heart I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm still watching the same movie...and if you've ever scene it you know that there is a scene between Brenda's parents...when they are in the kitchen, it's late in the evening, and they are swaying back and forth while cleaning the dishes...the entire time starring into each other's eyes...with "Embraceable You" being sung in the back ground by Ella Fitzgerald. And I couldn't help but think, that's what I want someday. Why does that only seem to happen in the movies..isn't anyone out there in the "real world" experiencing that right now?? I have to believe that it's possible...and that someday it will happen.
Another random thought is....how beautiful God's work is. I was listening to the Prelude from Bach's Cello Suite No. 1- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZn_VBgkPNY If you have never heard it...where have you been - Just kidding...but yesterday, a friend and I were having a bible study and one of the questions which sparked a little introspection was, "How have you seen God's wonder in everyday life" or something along those lines...and I thought of this piece. Can you imagine someone writing a piece like this, and not feeling the "aw" of God's grace and presence. To be that lucky!! Such a piece like this just makes you want to cry at it's beauty.
I'm currently working on a piece right now, and I have come to a stand still with inspiration...which in time I'm sure will dissapate...but there once was a time, twice actually, when I created some music that after I heard it played back by another person...was miraculous. I have no doubt that in that moment, I felt God smiling upon me as if to say, "I have seen what you have done, and it is good." I long for that feeling again!
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