OK so I'm in the OBX...I know I'm supposed to be excited and having a great time...but, I'm not. :( I'm overwhelmed...I feel defeated and worst of all, I feel SO alone. I thought that for sure this week would be amazing! I haven't been on a vacation with my entire family for a long time!! Honestly, it's probably been 7 yrs or so. So expectations were high! I know, I know, it's only day 1 and what can possibly happen in one day to make things so bad...well here goes.
CAUTION....VENTING
So we pulled up to the beach house, which is beautiful, 5 bedrooms 8 bathrooms...in-ground pool 200 yards from the ocean...what could be so bad right? Well, my brother and his wife, and two girls are here...she's inside with the girls and he's unpacking the car...then there's my little bro and his wife....helping each other unload the car...my parents...unloading their car, mom in her glory with all 4 grandkids running around...and then there's me. First vacation post-separation. And here's where the overwhelming part comes in. Not only am I unloading the car, but also carrying everything inside, unpacking everything....and all the while trying to answer every quesiton out of Bailey's little mind.
So I got everything unpacked...and now the kids are hungry....no groceries..so a small group of family goes out for the groceries...while the rest are left with unhappy, hungry, tired children. So food gets back...pizza is served. My children, who have not napped in two days..and were up from midnight - 3am last night...crying and having bad dreams...are now, cranky, not listening to anyone...talking back, and hitting..all the time...not wanting to eat dinner. So after putting Bailey in time out for 3 times...and dealing with the tears...and not eating with the family because I'm looking for stuff for her...it's time for the pool. Ah, the one place where I can relax...and we actually had a good time in the water. Until it's time to get out.
Two girls, a bath, no toys....and just me. Yep, just me again! I hate being a single parent...I don't know how people do it....I try as hard as I can...and yet on days like today, I have to walk to another room...and just cry...because I'm so overwhelmed and I don't know I am going to get through the next 10 minutes. Well i got them through the bath, and in PJ's...up for snack...and in to bed. After laying with them for about 15 mins or so...they are both asleep. And now it's a bit more relaxing...but instead of relaxing, my thoughts are spinning.
Reflecting over the weekend. There was a bit of news that I was given on Sat....that I still don't really care about....but am furioius about! Can't seem to let it go...talked to my brother about it some...but didn't really help. :( I was able to spend quality time with MJ this week, talking and sharing stories from our past...definitely some tears in talking about past relatives, who have passed, and things that never were said.
This past weekend was extremely emotional. On various levels. So I'm sure that is another reason why I'm so overwhelmed right now, because emotionally I have reached my limit. I can't handle anymore right now.
So anyway...I'm here in the OBX...tomorrow is a day at the beach...and then Emma's party...and crap, I forgot to bring Emma's present. So her own daddy doesn't even have a gift for her. :( OK...it's official, I'm crying right now! I feel so defeated...like I'm being beat down...I feel like the harder I try, the worse it gets.
A prayer I found,
Lord Jesus Christ, King of kings, you have power over life and death. You know even things that are uncertain and obscure, and our very thoughts and feelings are not hidden from you. Cleanse me from my secret faults, and I have done wrong and you saw it. You know how weak I am, both in soul and in body. Give me strength, O Lord, in my frailty and sustain me in my sufferings. Grant me a prudent judgement, dear Lord, and let me always be mindful of your blessings. Let me retain until the end your grace that has protected me till now.
~St Ephrem of Syria
Anyway, here are some photos from day one...more to come...as I trust God will help to make the rest of the week a relaxing one..and that He will show me more of what is to come in my life..and that He will continue to work in my life, giving me strength to do what is right...so that life is once again good.
CAUTION....VENTING
So we pulled up to the beach house, which is beautiful, 5 bedrooms 8 bathrooms...in-ground pool 200 yards from the ocean...what could be so bad right? Well, my brother and his wife, and two girls are here...she's inside with the girls and he's unpacking the car...then there's my little bro and his wife....helping each other unload the car...my parents...unloading their car, mom in her glory with all 4 grandkids running around...and then there's me. First vacation post-separation. And here's where the overwhelming part comes in. Not only am I unloading the car, but also carrying everything inside, unpacking everything....and all the while trying to answer every quesiton out of Bailey's little mind.
So I got everything unpacked...and now the kids are hungry....no groceries..so a small group of family goes out for the groceries...while the rest are left with unhappy, hungry, tired children. So food gets back...pizza is served. My children, who have not napped in two days..and were up from midnight - 3am last night...crying and having bad dreams...are now, cranky, not listening to anyone...talking back, and hitting..all the time...not wanting to eat dinner. So after putting Bailey in time out for 3 times...and dealing with the tears...and not eating with the family because I'm looking for stuff for her...it's time for the pool. Ah, the one place where I can relax...and we actually had a good time in the water. Until it's time to get out.
Two girls, a bath, no toys....and just me. Yep, just me again! I hate being a single parent...I don't know how people do it....I try as hard as I can...and yet on days like today, I have to walk to another room...and just cry...because I'm so overwhelmed and I don't know I am going to get through the next 10 minutes. Well i got them through the bath, and in PJ's...up for snack...and in to bed. After laying with them for about 15 mins or so...they are both asleep. And now it's a bit more relaxing...but instead of relaxing, my thoughts are spinning.
Reflecting over the weekend. There was a bit of news that I was given on Sat....that I still don't really care about....but am furioius about! Can't seem to let it go...talked to my brother about it some...but didn't really help. :( I was able to spend quality time with MJ this week, talking and sharing stories from our past...definitely some tears in talking about past relatives, who have passed, and things that never were said.
This past weekend was extremely emotional. On various levels. So I'm sure that is another reason why I'm so overwhelmed right now, because emotionally I have reached my limit. I can't handle anymore right now.
So anyway...I'm here in the OBX...tomorrow is a day at the beach...and then Emma's party...and crap, I forgot to bring Emma's present. So her own daddy doesn't even have a gift for her. :( OK...it's official, I'm crying right now! I feel so defeated...like I'm being beat down...I feel like the harder I try, the worse it gets.
A prayer I found,
Lord Jesus Christ, King of kings, you have power over life and death. You know even things that are uncertain and obscure, and our very thoughts and feelings are not hidden from you. Cleanse me from my secret faults, and I have done wrong and you saw it. You know how weak I am, both in soul and in body. Give me strength, O Lord, in my frailty and sustain me in my sufferings. Grant me a prudent judgement, dear Lord, and let me always be mindful of your blessings. Let me retain until the end your grace that has protected me till now.
~St Ephrem of Syria
Anyway, here are some photos from day one...more to come...as I trust God will help to make the rest of the week a relaxing one..and that He will show me more of what is to come in my life..and that He will continue to work in my life, giving me strength to do what is right...so that life is once again good.
1 comments:
You are never alone. All you have to do is ask. When you start to feel overwhelmed ask for help. You know Dad and I are always here. Love you buddy. Mom
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